In No Words Or Less

A life with horses and photography

Archive for August, 2007

one if by land…

First, let me just say
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

There, I feel better already.

Now, let me explain:

This time i thought i had it in the bag for sure – i ordered a large amount of photos, so got the option of courier service or fastmail – i chose courier, thinking it would be faster because “next day delivery” it said…
My photos should have been delivered on Tuesday afternoon, as my order was place on Monday morning, but nothing happened. I was even willing to give them till Wednesday morning to deliver. But not a whisper. I checked the tracking thingy many times. “Signed out for delivery” on Tuesday morning at 8:30am… but nothing after that.

I finally got a phonecall this morning (thursday) from the courier company saying “we’ll be delivering your photos tomorrow (friday) afternoon between 2 and 5″
I said “No, you won’t. You will be delivering my Monday’s “next day delivery” package, TODAY”
i got mumbles and a “we will call you back directly”

An hour went by and they called to say “we will be delivering your photos TODAY between 2 and 5″ i said that was acceptable (since i can’t make them go back in time…)
Hooray.

I then received another phonecall at 2pm from them, telling me that the courier is “already back at base” and won’t be going out again today.
I said “that’s odd isn’t it, since i’m still waiting on my photos to be delivered…” I was very polite. really i was.

there was silence and my photos would then be delivered this _evening_ between 6pm and 8pm on the courier’s “way home” because he “lives out that way”…

So, they were delivered earlier (i wasn’t here, my mum signed for me) around 6:30pm i think…

I sent an email to the photo people (who are super efficient) and said they should check up on the courier company, because it made them look very bad.

So. That was my day.

how was yours?

inside tired

usually, i’d be looking forward to housesitting for C and the gang in Capri… i really would…

but i’m just so tired!

on the inside. not the outside.

my body is as fit and healthy as ever.

my mind is unfit.

haha. unfit.  unsound mind.

speaking of. what does it mean when you dream about dying? not painfully, or anything… just… dying.

seeing your coffin.  what does that mean? i wasn’t sad. i wasn’t happy. i wasn’t anything really. just observing.

i think i’m also emotionally tired – after the whole Brutus thing. it really broke my heart that. didn’t realise how much.

i’m hoping to cheer up and feel more “awake” after a few days with Barkley and Bentley – they usually run me ragged anyway, no chance to mope.

And of course mister Choo always makes me feel welcome, in his own special way.

show this weekend, in durbanville… but i think i’ll only go sunday – will have to borrow mum’s car again (Broomhilda is in desperate need of love and attention, and i just can’t afford it right now) – and i want the dogs to settle on Saturday (C and S leave on Saturday morning around 3:30 or something horrendous… so i would be exhausted anyway, no chance of getting sleep and waking up to go to a show a few hours later)  with me.

get comfy and reacquainted.

so i’m not going backwards, at least…

Been having the occasional residual panic recently… not often… but i started to worry that all my A.T and all the hard work i’ve done and the “letting go” i’d gone through, was all for nothing, and that i was going backwards in my “recovery”…

but i worked up the nerve to ask S today, during my morning session… and she said no, i’m going forwards, but it’s a big change, so my body/mind is confused and wanting to go back to old habits, just to feel “safe”… she said it will pass… i just have to work through it… let myself get over it… not beat myself up about it because that would just make it worse…

“take care of yourself… ” she said.

“they are _your_ thoughts, _your_ feelings… let them be… there’s nothing _wrong_ with them and there’s no _right_ way to think either…”

i felt much better – after a little sob…. that’s another sign that i’ve definitely moved forwards… i’m not ashamed to cry.