In No Words Or Less
A life with horses and photographyArchive for November, 2006
Woops!
The Renault Ride and Drive – a “rider” plows the Renault into the Renault sponsored jump. It was not pretty.
Melting!
I just returned from a LONG, DUSTY, BOILING HOT day at the show in Hout Bay.
OH. MY. GOODNESS was it hot.
Plus a berg wind on top of it all… i hear it hit about 35C near 1pm. I was _melting_.
The WP Outdoor Grand Prix and other big classes were held, being sponsored by Renault… but after what happened today with one of their precious cars… i’m not sure they’ll be back next year!! 
I’ll blog the pertinent photos shortly. Firstly i have to email them off to the organisers, to be put into the NEWSPAPER!
hehehe.
technorati tags: heat, show jumping, horses, photography, melted
speed demon
i’m struggling with poison at present.
it’s all in my blood stream and it’s making me so sick.
when i manage to sleep, i dream i’m driving.
but not like .. just driving.. i mean _driving_
in a chase
or being chased
or in a race
in a fancy car
i can hear the engine roar, feel the pedals under my (bare?) feet.
and i’m smiling. exhilirated. like a speed demon. and i’m clocking (i can see the glowing dashboard dials) 300. but completely in control.
i’ve had this dream for a few nights now.
do you think it’s the poison? is this what they dream about? going so fast you forget what’s behind?
technorati tags: race, driving, speed, demon, freak, poison, sleep, dreams, pain, happy
unvanished
i am so tired of being manipulated by people.
i thought i’d managed to grow out of being pushed around by people who say they are my friends.
if i hear ” …but i thought you, of all people, would be able to help… ” or “… can’t you just cancel that, to help me out?” i’ll SCREAM.
No. NO. and NO!!
When i say “i’m afraid i already made a commitment” that’s what i MEAN! I’m not saying “if you just nag, i’ll change my mind” or “if you try and make me feel guilty for having a LIFE, i’ll do ANYTHING to help, you know me!”
I’m saying “NO.” I’m saying that i have “MADE MY FRIKKIN MIND UP FOR A CHANGE!”
And it really hurts most when my _good_ friends do it to me. like i’m some side thought, too soft to stand up for myself and my decisions. i’ll do anything, because i cave every time. and then when i DON’T give in… i get the silent treatment or “i can’t believe it” speeches. i just can’t win. i pretend to be someone, for everyone. there’s a me for every person i know and everyone says how much they like me, but if i show them the real me, i’m made out to be this total selfish bitch.
and i’m not. i _would_ do anything for my friends. i’ve done things for complete strangers who needed me! i’m not selfish. i really am not.
i’m a good person. i have a big heart. it gets me hurt all the time.
i’m tired of people using emotional guilt to get me to do things that i really don’t want to.
of course, nothing will change. i’ll keep caving. sometimes i just wish i could start again.
start it all over. i get piled with responsibility and then expected to Do More.
It’s too much for my sometimes. i wonder what it’s like to not care? to not worry what people will say? to not worry what will happen to other people if i don’t do as i’m told. i know the world won’t stop if i don’t do something on schedule. but i would stop.
technorati tags: disappearing, trick, emotional manipulation, tired
Sore muscles
Had another exciting ride on Cappi this morning! We were at the back and he was keeping a good eye on Watchy (after kicking her in the face at the beginning of the ride, for absolutely no reason that i could see… M says he just “gets like that”) and every time she would spook at something so would he! He’s a such a wally. I stayed on though! Full canter down the beach and WOOOOOOOSH there goes Watchy so WOOOOOOOSH and DIIIIVE there goes Cappi! I lost my stirrups (well i lost one, but i took my other foot out, or i’d have lost my balance completely) but shoved my toes down so hard i got a cramp in my right calf muscle! he carried on cantering for a bit, head in the air, being a total prat! M yelled “YANK ON HIM!” so I did and he stopped so suddenly i nearly slid off .. heehhe .. it’s a fine line… but i’m learning all the time. And my thought is, if i can ride Cappi, I can ride _anything_.
Took Catchy for a stroll this afternoon – he’s still seems to be having some trouble with his near hind. lifting it very high when he walks and you can feel when you’re on him. So i just put his bridle on and put the lead on and just took him for a nice stroll. Rather let him rest up so he can be ridden again some point soon. He’s such an awesome horse. They all are. I’m so lucky.
Thinking about getting a loan – just to get these last few debts off my back and also invest in a good laptop or a 500mm lens. Capitec is looking quite promising. Aimed at the lower end of the banking market (like me)… having a read through now. But everyone wants a “salary”. I don’t earn a salary. i had a really good month last month – paid 95% of my bills on my own. Just got some help with the bigger amounts. Thank goodness for wonderful brothers.
Lots of printing orders to get done and some CD’s to make. Oh! and some commission requests too! Things are looking good. I’m trying not to get too cocky though. That’s my usual mistake. So i’m just taking it day by day.
Got that photo enlargement done – waiting for it to be delivered (paid this morning) and then i’ll let the lady who ordered it know it’s ready… i hope it came out nicely. i really like that photo.
Summer is on the way … it’s nearly 7pm and the sun has hardly even hit the water yet.
technorati tags: horses, riding, excitement, Catch, Cappi, Watchy, photography
