In No Words Or Less
A life with horses and photographyArchive for May, 2006
Interestingness
The most interesting pictures by genewolf
My top 200 or something…
technorati tags: flickr, interesting
The conscience of a Carnivore
Opening doors
Sitting organising things in Flickr (with the new schnazzy interface – well done flickr people!) and i was hit with a deep sadness. I miss Jimmy. So much. Even after what happened. I miss him.
Looking at photos of him, it breaks my heart that he was retired. I know it was because of me that he was sent away – no matter what T says. and that hurts. he is so special. he gave me so much confidence. taught me so much about myself and what i could do on my own.
If i’d just been given time. we would have been back together and he would have been my best friend all over again. because that’s what he was. my best friend. i looked forward to seeing him – no matter what the weather. and even with all his grumpy faces, i know he liked me. loved going out with me, up into the forest or down the track.
i wish i could afford my own land. i’d bring him back down here. i’d never send him away again. i didn’t want him to be sent away. i said goodbye, but it was so hard.
technorati tags: jimmy, heartache, missed opportunity, best friend
soft rain, soft ride
Had a lovely, fun, ride on Ex this afternoon. He made it all better. Cavorted around like a 6 year old and tried to get Tikkie (K's pony, who joined us for a stroll) to race him up the hill. It was funny and relaxed me and made me smile. Thanks Ex.
The rain was coming down softly and there was hardly any wind – it was perfect riding weather. I'm so glad i dragged my lazy ass down to the stables, it was well worth it.
Had an interesting ride on Dexter this morning too. Ended up riding with A.S who is a renowned dressage judge. She's so sweet – a retired lady riding a 26 year old hanoverian purebred called Hallet. He was just as gentle and kind as my old boys – A agreed with me that there is something very special about riding these old gentlemen. They have so much to teach and give so much. I love my old boys. Dexter is also sweet, but he is only 15, so not quite in "old boy" status yet. He _is_ retired though, from competition.
Anyway. still feeling low about Lulu.
Farewell little one
Came back from riding this morning and checked on Lulu, she's been very quiet recently. It seems she passed away some time during the night. She went peacefully, in her sleep.
Farewell Tolulu. My brave little soul. Never afraid of anything, not even cats.
She was the gentlest, smartest little hamster i've ever had and i will miss her.
She was 3 years old, which is good for a hamster… but it still hurts.
She was special.
Well i'm sure she's in God's garden, digging holes and eating His plants.
I buried her in the garden, near where Gir is buried. They were so much alike.
Sifting
Started sorting through the stuff in boxes and containers, trying to decide what stays and what goes.
Found a plastic container with A’s stuff in it. The letters i wrote, the cards i gave him. Things like that. All just left behind. He never asked for them either. A little sad to think about that.
I cried. Felt stupid. Got mad with myself. Then sighed and realised that it’s what happens when people move on. All the signs were there, i just didn’t want to see them.
It’s ok now, because he’s happy. That makes it easier. i’m glad he’s happy. i just wonder if he ever misses me. i don’t mean like “wanting to come back” missing, because that would be silly and totally not right (for either of us). i just mean _me_. if there’s anything about _me_ he misses.
I’m going to get all his “stuff” together, and hopefully find his last lost drawings, and send it all to him in a big parcel. hopefully his new girl won’t get the wrong idea. i’m not pining for him. at all. i don’t want him back any more than he wants me back. i just think it’s nice to have stuff from before. 7 years is a long time. my life is mostly in those boxes in the garage. i still haven’t found my photographs. i’m quite upset about that. couple hundred photos lost. including my special black and white photos of Pudding and OJ and Jedi and Gina and Chloe. all those cats are gone now, except Jedi. Hillary the dog is gone too.
i turn 31 this year. life oozes on. i struggle on with it, getting stuck, getting unstuck.
technorati tags: old love, ex’s, boxes, life, emotional muscles
The details
Ok. So i've closed my storage unit and moved everything that was left in it, to our garage at home. 5 car loads.
Now begins the task of sifting through the boxes and throwing out things and selling things and all that. I might even put some of the stuff on eBay. *shrug* why not, right?
When i'm famous, i'll be able to afford to move out, but until then i know i'm here at home for a while.
I'm thrilled to find that a number of my photographs have been used by a few really talented artists, for paintings and pencil drawings and things of that sort. I'm so honoured! As their fame grows, so does mine, because these are good people and they always credit me when people ask about their inspiration.
Speaking of muses – apparently my face has been painted and is hanging in a gallery in cape town. Someone is going to buy this painting. And then my face will be hanging in their house. It's a really odd feeling. 
technorati tags: fame, boxes, storage, sorting, details, life goes on, paintings, gallery, muses
